Humans of the VUB: Tania Stadsbader

During the coronavirus crisis, there are plenty of smart professionals at VUB. But working at VUB is now mainly working for VUB but from home. What’s the reality of the switch from workplace to homeworking? How do we deal with the blurring of boundaries between work and life?

Recognise these situations?  We asked our VUB colleagues how they are getting on with the new reality of homeworking. With an eye on best practice, they shared their surprising tips and tricks. Click here to find all their stories.

Tania Stadsbader

Tania lives in rural Herne in the heart of the Pajottenland and has worked on a 4/5 basis at VUB for the past eight years. In her job she combines marketing and communication with a half-time position as union rep. She’s married to Radio 2 journalist Thomas and has three children: two in secondary school, Arthur (16) and Charlotte (14), and student Matthias (20).

On the one hand, her family is typical of the ‘sandwich generation’, with her mother-in-law in a care home. But on the other, it’s a family that does its own thing, with her own parents living 700km away on a French mountain. The family doesn’t follow any obvious model. Thomas is more the homebody. Tania is on one hand the caring mum, but at the same time a free spirit, a busy bee who likes to close the door behind her and do her own thing. You can imagine that during the coronavirus crisis, this has caused a minor earthquake.

Her homeworking base? In every corner of the living room and the kitchen, at a table, an armchair, cross-legged on the carpet, even in the hallway between the books, because – clearly – Tania is someone who needs regular changes of scenery.

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And then suddenly everything changed

Not only your work life, but your weekends too.

Tania: “I’m a real people person. But I was the first among my friends and contacts to stop kissing and shaking hands. Not because I was ‘scared’, but because I realised how serious it was. I’m a cyclist and our club’s new season began on 1 March. The cafe where we meet was full, 80 people who all wanted to greet each other with kisses and shake hands. One of the members was worked up because I avoided doing this and said I’d better go home. I calmed him down, said that I wanted to cycle but I would choose how I dealt with this madness. And that if I turned out to be the only one infected, they would be glad I hadn’t passed it on to them! The next week was the same scenario, and from week three came the verdict that we were only to cycle on the track, close to home.”

Water is a magnet for me, just seeing water brings me instant calm.

“At the moment I only climb the Muur van Geraardsbergen and rattle over the cobblestones of the Bosberg. I also seek out the Dender. Water is a magnet for me, just seeing water brings me instant calm. I also go out jogging. Then I post photos on Facebook and let my neighbours guess the route I’ve run. Sometimes I start my day with a walk in the morning dew. Not with a goal in mind this year, other than to stay healthy. On the way I talk to the cows and the sheep, I stop to take photos of the landscape, I wave at neighbours and post it on Facebook later to show I’ve paid them a symbolic visit. So we can remain somewhat connected with each other and with nature.”

Hysterical, me?

The first weekend was an outright disaster for Tania: “To begin with, my husband, who’s a radio journalist, couldn’t bear to hear the word ‘corona’. The first week he stuck his head in the sand – as he often does when he wants to deny things and push them away – with the result that the three children didn’t take it so seriously and cut corners. They dismissed me as hysterical whenever I mentioned avoiding contact.”

Had I spent my day off cleaning and disinfecting all the door handles and doing the grocery shopping, for my family to get away with this?

“My husband likes to play with Lego. On the weekend of the first enhanced measures, Sunday 15 March, I was deep cleaning our terrace when our two sons snuck out of the house. With my car keys. And my oldest son with his brand new driving licence. Because their dad doesn’t like to be disturbed while he’s building Lego, he chose the easiest solution: approving this escapade behind my back. When I realised what they had done, I erupted and immediately went on strike.

“Had I spent my day off cleaning and disinfecting all the door handles and doing the grocery shopping, for my family to get away with this? Because they were no longer listening to me, I decided their dad could make the dinner and figure out how to cook the roast beef. We rarely argue but the noise he made was something else. Stamping up the stairs, banging pots and pans. I went out for a walk then enjoyed a coffee and some chocolate curled up on the sofa. Should I punish him so much?, I wondered. Yes, I have to make a statement, stay strong and go on strike. And it worked. I sent my arguments via the ‘Nergens-beter-dan-thuis’ app, and that evening I got apologies and improved behaviour. And the roast beef? It was overcooked.

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“Now the children go out each day for two or three hours on their bikes locally, keeping their distance – Charlotte with her friend Diara and Arthur with Kamil. The arrangement is that they come home at 18.00 and they stick to that. We stay longer at the dinner table talking now. The last two days, we’ve even missed the virus updates on TV. In the evening the two youngest usually react with a fight, with a lot of laughing and slamming their doors. And thanks to the coronavirus, Matthias has been caught out. After months of denying that he has a girlfriend, he’s now told me that he misses her. They’re looking for the best solution. Luckily she has a dog…”

Working with 3 pairs of eyes and 5 pairs of arms

Working from home with a large family, and everything that comes with it, isn’t simple for anyone. But by her nature, Tania is adept at multitasking.

“I usually combine my two roles at work along distinct lines. Then there is everything that comes on top of that after hours. Volunteering for an international non-profit, housework, cycling and playing piano – I usually manage my schedule pretty well. But now?"

“The first days were a wake-up call. I was so nervous when I had to install Skype and everything else, while Arthur sat next to me making a vlogger croak loudly. To start with I felt stalked by Smartschool. I can’t believe how much pressure was put on children and their parents in the first week. While I was Skyping, I got a phone call from the school panicking that Arthur wasn’t reading his messages. I told them calmly that I was working and would deal with it on Friday or at the weekend. With the children I agreed that I would stop breathing down their necks, but that they were welcome to come to me with any questions. We’ve since got on well with each other.”

I usually manage my schedule pretty well. But now?

“In terms of MARCOM and union work, that’s all now mixed up. While I’m Skyping about one thing, I’ll get a phone call and an email about the other. In any case, I’m now spending more time creating this story campaign to bring us together as colleagues. But I also make the time for a friendly chat with the colleague I’m working on this with. We just laughed about the fact that with this crisis, we have the best job at VUB! We get to look in the homes of our colleagues, tease out their deepest feelings and create an immediate connection. And that’s important, that’s what it’s all about! We’ve given each other a tour of our homes. That makes the stress melt away."

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Tania as child and daughter-in-law

When Tania was 17, her parents (now 77) started a new life in France. She has always been independent, because she went to boarding school from the age of 10 – but even so. 

Tania: “I’m used to missing my parents. With the children we always do our own thing. For years we’ve called our neighbour Gui our ‘pluspapa’, because three times a week he plays taxi driver for Arthur and Charlotte. But now it’s been too long. I haven’t seen my parents for almost two years. We should have been going to visit them for a few days at the start of April, but that’s fallen by the wayside. The only option is to videocall them and hope that we can soon be together and catch up. At times like this it feels like they are a long way away.”

Every little gesture counts. And be playful, because that heals us.”

Meanwhile, Tania’s mother-in-law is in a care home.

“For my mother-in-law, it’s now really difficult, she suffers from MS and spends 20 hours a day in bed, 20km away from us. We do her housework. Thomas takes her yoghurt, cookies, chocolate and fresh fruit each week. I am not the ideal daughter-in-law but I spend a lot of time with her. The days must be extra long for her now. Thomas’s last visit was on 7 March. On 12 March we heard that five residents had tested positive for the virus. Since then, we’ve had no more updates. We can’t even go and wave to her at the window, because she’s in her bed on the first floor and wouldn’t be able to see. And so all contact is by phone.

“We have to drop off shopping for her in a cooler bag, which has to spend 72 hours in quarantine. Could her washing be done temporarily by the company the home uses, because of possible infection at our house? Bad luck: clothes are not labelled and would end up going astray. So we’re creative. We keep three days of washing in the car boot as a buffer.”

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Tania's tips

• Keep a sense of perspective and embrace the new chances this gives us
  
  “I know someone who died from the coronavirus two days ago. That brings it home. This man had been seriously ill for months and it wasn’t unexpected. But even so! I also know some people who are still very vulnerable and who I’m quietly worried about… So now I just try to be happy with the quality time that we’re having and try to make the best of it each day. I treat my family with cooking, connect more than ever (at a distance) with my neighbours if I go for a walk or a jog. Waving, calling out to them, taking a photo – every little gesture counts. And be playful, because that heals us. I thought this morning while jogging that I wanted to paint sums and little language facts along my route. Maybe I’ll do that this weekend. My new goal is not measured in kilometres, but in staying healthy, recharging the batteries and doing something for others, with whatever gesture it might be.”
• Don’t fall for fake news and chain letters
  
  “I closely follow VRT news, De Afspraak and the coronavirus statistics from our own VUB professor Kurt Barbé. And I share them too. From my volunteering I also follow scientific articles on the theme of balance disorders and the coronavirus. Fake news, racist posts and corny memes with grammar errors, I hate those. It’s really wrong to claim that migrants are bringing the virus here, while you’ve been a tourist yourself. Herd behaviour is also not my thing, but from time to time I do my best to show solidarity. Like the VUB poems – I’ve written one of them – or hanging a white flag out of respect for everyone who might be caring for us soon. I like simple, beautiful messages. They bring a smile to my face.”
• Give your children lots of love, and a corona haircut
  
  “A few days ago I had to cut Charlotte’s hair. It was fun, and at least 10cm came off. She was really happy, and Arthur, who for the past year has been walking round with a mullet because he’s been saving for a long cut, also came to me with the scissors. Cherish these family moments. Even if you have teenagers, you get so much back.”

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Tania’s reflections

• “That we live in a global world, but that we’ve seen very little solidarity between the European countries – so why do we have Europe? – and certainly towards developing countries. If we’re going to act like nothing is happening in these poor countries, we should be ashamed of ourselves – and everything we’ve done to reduce this crisis will be worthless.”
• “That this situation will weigh heavily on people. People are social animals. I expect that many colleagues will start to experience psychological problems. It’s important that we all do what we can to help in our own way.”

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JOIN IN the VUB research. The research group TOR at Vrije Universiteit Brussel and the research bureau hbits are investigating the social consequences of the coronavirus crisis. We’re working in a different way, schools and most shops are closed and public life has ground to a halt. What are the consequences of this for your daily life? Take part in the research and tell us how your daily life has changed via www.dagelijksleven.eu

Read also the article of professor Ignace Glorieux: Life in a time with no fixed times.