Shame, complicated emotions and being overlooked — having a parent in prison leaves a profound mark on a child. Criminologist and doctoral researcher Joyce Albrecht of Vrije Universiteit Brussel studies the lived experiences of these children and founded BuitenFamilies, a non-profit organisation supporting families affected by detention. “Family members often feel they are being punished alongside the offender for acts they did not commit themselves — as though a partner or child were somehow complicit.”
What does it mean for a child when a parent is suddenly taken away?
“It leaves a deep mark. Children often describe it as traumatic. A child wakes in the middle of the night, peeks through the doorway and sees police officers inside the house. Sometimes there is chaos, sometimes things unfold more calmly, but the rupture is the same: suddenly, someone immensely important disappears from the child’s life. What strikes me time and again is how little attention is paid to the children present at that moment. They are given hardly any explanation, are sometimes taken out of the room, and in many cases there is no one there to support the children and families involved. Whether they are five or fifteen, they may not fully understand what is happening, but they feel everything.”
What kind of impact does that leave behind?
“Children speak about feelings of guilt, as though they themselves had done something wrong. They feel ashamed, sad, frightened and angry. Some become withdrawn, others rebellious. And sometimes you do not see it outwardly: they adapt, become ‘well-behaved’, but inwardly they are struggling. At the same time, in unsafe home situations, the arrest of a parent can temporarily bring a sense of calm for the child, though that does not lessen the rupture itself.”
How large is the group of children with a parent in prison?
“We simply do not know. Belgium does not keep structural statistics, so we have to rely on estimates. The figure of 17,000 is often mentioned, but it remains little more than an educated guess. And those who are not seen are often not counted.”
Belgium subscribes to children’s rights. Are those rights not applied?
“Formally, yes, but in practice things are more complicated. Prison legislation is built around the rights of the detained parent, not the rights of the child. A child who wants to visit may sometimes not be allowed to; a child who does not want to visit may still be obliged to go. Children have the right to information, to participation and to safety, but once a parent is imprisoned they fall into a grey area. It is unclear who is responsible for informing children, and how that should be done. Children’s rights are not directly enforceable, and their application also differs from one region to another.”
“Many children come up with another story: Dad is working abroad, Mum is in hospital.”
What are prison visits like?
“It varies enormously. Some prisons have specially adapted spaces with toys and colouring pencils, or occasionally organise activities for children. Dedicated child-friendly visits are important because they allow children to move around freely and play with their parent. During regular visits, however, the same rules often apply as for adults: stay seated, do not move around, no sitting on laps. That is very difficult for a child to understand. The whole approach is driven far more by risk management than by the child’s perspective.”
Are there any good examples?
“Hasselt, for instance. There, they organise a weekly children’s workshop where children can do arts and crafts or paint together with their parent. The children were even allowed to help design the family visiting room. That makes a world of difference: children are not treated as an afterthought. But examples like these remain exceptions. They depend on goodwill, volunteers and budgets. Without a proper framework, major inequalities emerge.”
What does Europe say about this?
“There is a European guideline containing 56 recommendations, covering everything from arrest to reintegration. It is a strong blueprint. But Belgium does not apply it systematically. Some prisons adopt certain elements, but no prison complies with all the recommendations. And ‘child-friendly’ is sometimes reduced to something as superficial as a colourful mural on the wall. In reality, it is about providing information, the attitude of staff, communication with children and structural solutions. It is about how children are welcomed and involved — not what happens to be hanging on the wall.”
How do fathers experience this?
“Many fathers desperately long for contact, but come up against what is known as ‘gatekeeping’: foster families, institutions or former partners who obstruct or complicate contact. Sometimes with good reason, sometimes not. Fathers often feel completely powerless. They do not have a contact ban and cannot understand why they are not allowed to see their child. They often say: ‘I don’t know what steps to take or what my rights are.’ No one explains anything to them. On the other hand, we also see examples of ‘gate-opening’, where the other parent plays a supportive role in maintaining contact between parent and child. That makes a profound difference.”
“Families are left with questions and fears and often do not know where to turn”
Society often judges these families harshly.
“Very harshly. The attitude of ‘they brought it on themselves’ extends to them too, as though children or partners were somehow complicit. Family members often feel punished alongside the offender for crimes they did not commit. That leads to stigma, isolation and silence. Many children invent another story: Dad is working abroad, Mum is in hospital. The taboo is that strong. But carrying a secret alone is also an enormous burden.”
Where can families seek help?
“Inside prisons themselves, the CAW mainly provides valuable support for people in detention. But outside the prison walls, services are extremely limited: family support through the CAW exists in only three prisons. That is absurdly little. Families are also afraid to ask for help, either because they distrust the system or fear it may be used against them. As a result, they are often left to cope alone.”
You founded BuitenFamilies. Why?
“Because the gap in support was enormous. Families are left with questions and fears and often do not know where to turn. We lower that threshold, connect people with similar experiences, make information more accessible and support professionals. We also work to raise awareness among policymakers. There are four of us who founded the organisation, all with lived experience. Combined with professional expertise, that truly makes a difference. Families recognise something of themselves in us, which makes it easier to reach out. But we can also act as a bridge to policymakers because we speak the same language.”
“I wasn’t allowed to hug my dad because it was against the rules”
You now also share your own story publicly. How did you reach that point?
“It took a long time. As a child, I felt ashamed and kept silent. It was only in my late twenties that I realised how deeply the experience had continued to affect me. Psychological support became a turning point. My first testimony, on a small theatre stage, was incredibly daunting, but the audience responded so warmly. People recognised themselves in it and shared their own stories. That moment changed me: I realised openness could be a source of strength and could help break the stigma. Now I see myself as a bridge figure — someone who combines academic research with lived experience. A citizen straddling two worlds.”
What, in your view, could change as early as tomorrow?
“Introduce a children’s rights check, from the moment of arrest through to prison visits and beyond. There are crucial moments where children’s needs can and should be taken into account. Today, ‘child-friendly’ is often reduced to arranging child visits, but it is about much more than that: information, support and involvement. Such a check would force us to think from the child’s perspective every time: what does this child need, what information are they given, how can they see their parent in a way that feels safe? And the good news is that we do not need to reinvent anything. The European guideline already exists. We simply need to start using it properly — systematically and consistently. That alone would make a world of difference.”