Mychal Langenus, professor of management and strategy at the Faculty of Social Sciences and Solvay Business School, became a father to baby Seth with his partner just a year ago. Their journey was filled with joy and deep gratitude, but also with confusion and challenges. Because for two men, starting a family in our society is anything but straightforward. By sharing their story, he hopes to help change that.
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First things first: congratulations on your baby boy! How did your journey towards parenthood begin?
Mychal Langenus: âFour years ago, we decided we wanted to grow our family. Adoption seemed like the obvious route, so we signed up for the required information sessions. But when we found out it could take at least ten years before weâd be able to adopt a baby, that hit hard. Are we really going to spend a decade focusing on this, not even knowing if it will work out? So we started exploring other options â although weâre still on that adoption waiting list.â
That other option was surrogacy?
âWhen people asked if we wanted children, we were always honest about our situation. Surrogacy would sometimes come up â and the fact that thereâs barely any information about it in Belgium. You can go to the United States or Canada, but youâre looking at a minimum of âŹ150,000. That simply wasnât an option for us. Then a friend gave me the number of someone who had gone through the surrogacy process at UZ Gent with his partner. He encouraged me to contact them. Itâs not publicly advertised that UZ Gent is the only hospital in Belgium that supports male couples through surrogacy, because the legal framework here is so vague. So in a way, we were just lucky they do it at all. They were incredibly welcoming and openâwe were invited to come in straight away. A doctor explained how the whole process works, and we learned that if we made it through all the steps â and there are a lot of them â we could have a baby within a year.â
âFor male couples, nothing in the surrogacy process is reimbursed â which means for many, itâs not even an optionâ
Mychal and his son Seth
And how do you even start such a process?
âThe egg donor and the surrogate have to be two different women. As a male couple, youâre not allowed to use the national egg bank unless youâre doing a reciprocal donation. My sister-in-law had previously said sheâd be willing to donate her eggs. But then we still needed to find a surrogate. The surrogate must already have children, canât have any desire for more, must have had completely smooth pregnancies, be under the age of 40, and you have to know her personally. We know a lot of women, but that suddenly narrowed it down to a very small group.
Because my sister is the person I trust most in the worldâand it allowed us to keep things within the familyâI took a deep breath and asked her. She reacted really well. She wanted to take her time and not give an emotional answer. She had two young children herself and was in the middle of home renovations. I told her to take all the time she needed, and that no matter her decision, nothing would change between us.
A month later, she called me on video. Through her daughter, she let us know that we were going to be dads. That happened to be the same day I was planning to propose to my partner. It turned into an unforgettable day.â
You had your donor and surrogate. What happens next?
âThatâs when the first of many, many appointments at UZ Gent began. We had to share a lot of information, check if we met all the criteria, and go through psychological assessments. Every three months, a multidisciplinary committee would meet to review our case. Once we got the green light, the actual medical screening of my sister and sister-in-law could begin. My sister had to see an internist, have her uterus and organs examined. A process like this can reveal a lot, sometimes even issues that arenât directly related but still have implications. After about forty appointmentsâmany of which involved all of us driving to Ghent togetherâthe two women were allowed to start their hormone treatments.â
Did everything go smoothly from there?
âWith the first attempt, we had five high-quality eggs, but none of them developed properly during the five-day lab phase. We started off with so much hope, so hearing that none had made it was crushing. It really pulls the ground out from under you. And you canât just try again the next month. When the second egg retrieval happened, there was only one viable egg. We had a choice: donât go ahead and save the cost of the embryo transferâor take the leap, knowing it might be our last shot. My sister didnât want to go through it again after turning 38, and that birthday was approaching fast. So we went for it. And from that one egg, our son was born. The whole process took two years.â
How much does a treatment like this cost?
âFor male couples, nothing is reimbursed by the health insurance system. Hetero couples, lesbian couples and trans couples are entitled to six attempts per person. Each attempt costs between âŹ5,000 and âŹ6,000. You donât exactly want to be piling up debt before your child is even born. Having to consider giving up because of the cost â thatâs a heavy burden. We were lucky in many ways: it worked on the second attempt, we managed to cope both mentally and financially, we had access to UZ Gent, and we had the support of our sisters. Thatâs not the case for everyone. For many, this simply isnât an option. So if you donât have the financial means, youâre basically excluded. And society doesnât seem to be aware of that.â
âIâm still in the adoption processâeven though Iâm the biological father of my own childâ
How did your friends and family react?
âThey were over the moon. Our parents knew we were looking for a surrogate, but when I told them during a family dinner that weâd found oneâand that she was sitting at the table with usâthey were all incredibly proud. My mother-in-law was also overjoyed. It brought our whole family much closer together. We asked our sisters to be godmothers, and they were absolutely thrilled. Our friends were very supportive too, and even when we shared our story in the media, the negative reactions were minimal. But with many organisations, we first had to explain our entire situation before theyâd even let us in the doorâlike with Kind & Gezin and the local council. Iâm still in the process of adopting my child.â
How is that possible?
âMy sister is in a legally registered partnership, but not married to her partner. That worked in our favour, because my partner was able to officially recognise the child with her. I canât exactly walk into the town hall with my sister and say: âWe made a baby together.ââ
So your sister is listed as the legal mother?
âYes. In Belgium, the woman who gives birth is automatically the legal mother. If sheâs married, her spouse is automatically the legal father. That means my brother-in-law would have been the legal father of my child, even though Seth is biologically mine. My partner was able to recognise our son together with my sister, even though heâs not the biological father. Luckily that went through after quite a bit of hassle, which meant he could apply for support from Kind & Gezin, arrange maternity help, and register with the childminder. But everything was still in the motherâs name. Weâd agreed with my sister that she wouldnât have to deal with any of that. I even had to go to the police to explain the situation, and she had to confirm why she was supposedly giving up her childâdespite the fact that all the authorities were fully aware of the context. Itâs now in the federal coalition agreement that a legal framework will be developed for this specific situation. That framework will use the term âdraagvrouwâ (gestational carrier) instead of âdraagmoederâ (surrogate mother), which weâre really pleased about.â
And how do those institutions react when you explain it all for the umpteenth time?
âThe person from Kind & Gezin who came to our house admitted that it was strange only the mother could submit applications. She said it no longer reflected reality, and promised to request an update. The same thing happened in the hospital, at the social services desk. We wanted to be present at the birth and hold our baby straight away. That was also my sisterâs wish, and the agreement with the gynaecologist and midwives was crystal clear: Seth wouldnât be handed to my sister, he would go straight to his parents. The hospital supported us completely. It was a beautiful experience. And the VUB deserves credit too: I didnât have formal parental leave, but my adoption leave was approved without hesitation. There was so much understanding for our situation.â
âMy child doesnât need to be shielded from this beautiful story. This is just how it isâ
What kind of agreements did you make in advance with your sister?
âLoads. You have to talk about everything. What if the NIPT test shows something? What if itâs twins? What happens in case of a miscarriage? Luckily, we have a really strong bond, so we could talk openly and were completely aligned. The general rule was: as long as itâs about her body and the baby is growing inside her, she has the final say. When it came to the health of the baby, we were allowed to decide. She also has two young children, now three and five, so we had to discuss how to talk to them about it too. My partner and I helped out with them a lot more during that time.
Whatâs not allowedâand what never even came upâis financial compensation. Thatâs illegal in Belgium. You can cover costs, like maternity clothes or hospital bills. UZ Gent actually advised us to keep a folder of receipts, in case it was needed for the adoption review. So yes, we have an actual folder with receipts for pregnancy trousers and all sorts.â
Did you also talk about what role your sisters would have in your sonâs life?
âThe roles we agreed on just naturally unfolded that way. Both sisters feel like aunties and godmothers, and have always seen Seth as our child. They never looked at it differently or referred to it in any other way. During those first months, we often checked in with them about how they were feeling. My sister-in-law doesnât have children herself. When my sister had recovered from the birth, she said quite casuallyâand genuinelyââNow Iâd really like to see my nephew.â She came to the hospital too, so we had a moment with everyone who made Sethâs arrival possible.â
What story will you tell Seth?
âWeâll always tell him exactly how it happened. Weâre not going to hide anything or wait until heâs a certain age. Even now, when he doesnât understand it yet, we still talk about it openly. My child doesnât need to be shielded from this beautiful storyâthis is his story. If people ever have questions, weâll answer honestly and calmly. Weâre a happy family, and thatâs all that matters. If anyone ever says something to him because he has two dads, I hope he can deal with that in the same open way. There are so many different types of families, and thatâs perfectly fineâas long as thereâs love. Thatâs what makes a family. Not how itâs composed.â
Across the world, the value of equality is under pressure. How do you view thatâas a new dad?
âThe news does scare me sometimes, but I try to focus on where I can make a difference, on what we can do for equal rights. If Iâm not careful, I get completely overwhelmed by the media. But when I look at my own experience, I feel more hopeful. Weâre drowning in negativity these days, to the point where it feels hard to even catch your breath. But when I look back at how our friends, neighbours and organisations reacted, and at how happy Seth isâthat keeps me grounded. As long as we focus on real human connections and impact, and donât isolate ourselves in a bubble of headlines, thereâs hope.
Still, weâre nowhere near full equality. Weâre still fighting for it. Visibility and events like Pride are crucialâweâre not there yet. At the VUB, I really feel that freedom and celebration of difference, and itâs genuinely lived out.â
âWeâve always focused on the joy that each step broughtânot on how much harder it was for us compared to othersâ
What actions do you take yourself to fight for that equality?
âThe last thing I want is for the voices of people who are against usâjust because they donât understandâto be louder than ours. I donât need to shout, but I do want to be heard. Sometimes thatâs through a big action, sometimes something smaller. Like bringing Seth to Pride when he was just a few months old. You see everyone having a great time, united behind one message: that anything rooted in love and happiness is valid. Those are the moments that remind me why this fight matters.
If you grow up feeling different, thinking you have to hide, and then suddenly enter a space where nearly everyone is like youâitâs incredibly liberating. I donât want Seth to go through years of that. I want him to feel free from the very beginning. Once the adoption process is finished, I want to get even more involved.â
Did you ever feel frustration or anger during the processâbecause of how difficult it was for you?
âI wish every person who wants a child could have one. Itâs an enormous joy. But youâre dependent on so many peopleâpsychologists, doctors, finances, institutionsâwho all have the power to say: âNot for you.â And that can feel deeply dehumanising. Itâs hard not to compare yourself to others. But we always focused on the joy that every step brought, rather than how hard it was compared to other peopleâs paths. What matters is that we found a way. Would I want it to be easier? Yes. Would I want it to be the same for everyone? Absolutelyâand thatâs what I want to fight for.
Now that weâre proud parents, and after a first year that was both blissful and intense, I want to shine a light on the obstacles. If we can help improve the legal framework for others, that would be something to be proud of.â*
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*This is a machine translation. We apologise for any inaccuracies.
